When I was in the 1st grade, I successfully got sent to the Principal for saying “Cookie Crisp” too many times.

Things you don’t ever want to read from a Tinder match.

I have two sides. The nicest girl you’ll ever meet and a Kabuki Theater villain.

It’s probably the Catholic converter.

God: “Oh shit, I didn’t realize there was someone in here already.”

Jellyfish: “it’s cool.”

c/trashywholesome

*mutilating

Stumble away! Stumble away!!

“It’s called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.” - George Carlin

Tardigrade 1: “Dude, what does mine say?”

Tardigrade 2: “Sweet, what does mine say?”

Useless fact: Not nearly as bad, but I felt the shockwave from this one:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phillips_disaster_of_1989

I was with my mother and brother in a city just southwest of Houston at the time. It buffeted our van and we saw the windows of a nearby building wobble. Didn’t find out what it was until days later.

Can we please stop storing corrosive and explosive materials in high-traffic areas with critical infrastructure?

Even the US and Russia has the sense to shove all its depleted uranium and nuclear waste in the middle of nowhere.

That one was so downright cartoonish in scale, I still have trouble believing what I saw.

“Fools rush in (to bacon).”

Because the seek bar overlaps the video as it is playing, and because the drag button is huge whenever you mouseover it, it is much harder to locate chapter marker visually.

Change for the sake of change is not good.

locks the doors to the server room and brandishes a cable cutter

Is this the kind of picture millionaires take these days?

Then you absolutely need a group chat for both of them to get acquainted so they can hate the experience and individually ghost you as a result.