To be honest, dating 20+ is a shit show. The things i learned about dating in my teens didn’t help me dating in my 30’s. Sure they have issues dating but we all do. It’s the willingness to learn, adapt, and care for someone else that i don’t see in incels and that isn’t learned from dating in your teens. They seem to blame outside forces for their issues and not seek to improve themselves
Well for me it made a big difference. I don’t think me and my wife would have stayed together had it not been for other woman I had dated prior. Learned how to have an argument, how to show random acts of kindness, gotten the nerve up to tell them when they are hurting you unintentionally, etc. This stuff didn’t come naturally to me.
100%! I am not saying learning these things doesn’t help. But blaming lack of dating in their teens for an incel becoming who they are is not a valid justification in my opinion.
I’m gonna take issue with that last point because one of the easiest ways to identify an incel is how much they watch Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, or Andrew Tate. All of which built their brand by preaching self-help tips (fucking awful self-help tips and always laced with violent hateful rhetoric but still). I think they desperately want to improve but they’ve built up so much internal constraint and flawed ideology that no advice catered to that toxic mindset is going to be effective at what they really want to accomplish. What they actually need is a real mental health professional to lead them to identifying and breaking down those ideologies and frameworks for themselves. But therapy is for Betas and real Alphas are hyper independent or whatever.
To be honest, dating 20+ is a shit show. The things i learned about dating in my teens didn’t help me dating in my 30’s. Sure they have issues dating but we all do. It’s the willingness to learn, adapt, and care for someone else that i don’t see in incels and that isn’t learned from dating in your teens. They seem to blame outside forces for their issues and not seek to improve themselves
Well for me it made a big difference. I don’t think me and my wife would have stayed together had it not been for other woman I had dated prior. Learned how to have an argument, how to show random acts of kindness, gotten the nerve up to tell them when they are hurting you unintentionally, etc. This stuff didn’t come naturally to me.
100%! I am not saying learning these things doesn’t help. But blaming lack of dating in their teens for an incel becoming who they are is not a valid justification in my opinion.
You can only blame yourself so much before it causes so much emotional anguish that you turn your frustration outwards.
I’m gonna take issue with that last point because one of the easiest ways to identify an incel is how much they watch Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, or Andrew Tate. All of which built their brand by preaching self-help tips (fucking awful self-help tips and always laced with violent hateful rhetoric but still). I think they desperately want to improve but they’ve built up so much internal constraint and flawed ideology that no advice catered to that toxic mindset is going to be effective at what they really want to accomplish. What they actually need is a real mental health professional to lead them to identifying and breaking down those ideologies and frameworks for themselves. But therapy is for Betas and real Alphas are hyper independent or whatever.
I never meant to imply/ say or in any way hint that therapy is bad. I think everyone can use it.
Oh, I wasn’t trying to say you were against therapy, I apologize. I mostly meant the self-improvement thing. I agree with everything else you said.