My girlfriend had computer RAM in her purse. That is now why she is my wife.

Through my mental fog lies a Souls boss waiting to destroy all who attempt to enter (including me).

Me the second I read this: FUCK. THAT. 😠

The last lending library I saw had some religious discs placed inside them. Expected them to be of the usual Christian variety. Oddly enough, it was actually of some rabbi.

I was under the impression that Judaism wasn’t about proselytising. 🤷

Sounds like this brand name needs a new start.

A NEW START… Hmm…

I got it!

ANUSTART!

Awww…She looks just like you!

Any minute now…

Yeah. “They shouldn’t be above the law.” works better.

Just before the pandemic, I was at a restaurant. A couple was sitting next to me.

Woman: (Says something about Fiona)

Man: Who’s Fiona?

Woman: (Shocked, disgusted face) You don’t KNOW Fiona???

I bet she broke up with him on the spot.

Me at the grocery store yesterday: “These cookies look delicious! And they’re 90% off!”

Wife: “Those are lactation cookies…”

Me: “I didn’t know that was a thing… They still look good though…”

That, or you’d get crushed alive since the car wasn’t designed to actually protect you…

https://youtu.be/C_r5UJrxcck

People like this drive me crazy.

Years ago, a family member (who was on my mobile phone family account) was getting charged monthly for some mobile game. I would point it out every month, and they were like “Yeah…I need to cancel that…”

It took over a year for them to get around to canceling it.

Earlier this week, YouTube for Android TV had an update that caused it to crash at startup.

On a hot steak there, Google…

LaRosa’s Pizza for me!

I want this.

I went to an all-boys Catholic highschool. I had a teacher that was a Christian Brother. One day he had an argument with a classmate over how effective condoms were. He basically argued that condoms don’t work. (Even arguing that a Ziploc bag couldn’t keep semen from escaping.)

This teacher was pretty popular because he was a character, who’d sometimes make crude jokes.

After graduating, some friends and a I ran into him at a mall. He asked us “What are you guys up to? Picking up little girls?”

We laughed it off thinking he was still his same old jovial self.

Not long after, I heard that this same teacher had been arrested for being involved with minors. His “joke” that day seemed like some major projection.

I was browsing news headlines. Me: “Why is Johnny Gaudreau trending…”

Reading out loud to my wife, I first read it as “Johnny Gaudreau’s brother died”. Reading it a second time, the utter dread sunk in.

What a way to find out.

Finding out that it was the day before their sister’s wedding…a tremendous tragedy.

He’ll be missed.

I recently started using an app called Hermit to address a similar problem. It lets you create “lite apps” from any URL. Maybe it’d work for you?

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.chimbori.hermitcrab

Women are so cute and beautiful but I think they are talking about getting their horse in a koozie