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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 16th, 2023

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  • Honestly, everyone just being a little gracious is all you really need.

    I’m vegan and I have no issues going to a normal bbq place for someone else’s party(though I don’t know what this place would be like). I can eat corn and undressed salad for a meal, I’ll survive. If the party were for me, I’d probably feel like it was passive aggression or a weird test though.

    Similarly, there will be non-vegan food when I introduce my husband to my family and celebrate our wedding in my home country with a potluck, because one of my sisters has celiac’s and the other IBS, which restricts her fiber intake. I would have been totally cool with exclusively mashed potatoes (skin off) for dinner and sorbet for dessert, but I don’t think many others would be, and there’s not much else that works for all of us.

    Sure, I could tell them not to bring non-vegan food, but that’s not very gracious, and I want people to be comfortable. They’d probably agree and either eat ahead of time or leave earlier and eat on the way home, so it’s not like there’s a practical difference in meat consumption, and it’s a great way to make people feel less welcome.



















  • There’s always a difference in how men and women are treated. It’s not always a horrible evil sexist thing, but people pick up on cues from tone and username and react to that.

    Being online is nice, because the default assumption is that you’re a man, so unless you have a super femme username or are talking about something femme-coded like gardening or knitting, people tend not to treat you like a woman. “Treating you like a woman” basically means being dismissive of your experience or knowledge or tone policing (if I make a rude joke under a femme username, people downvote the hell out of it unless it’s about a very safe target- that’s how minor the difference is, to be clear). I’m also probably an egg, so my perception of not being treated like a woman as nice might be skewed.