I’d shit in my hands and clap before I’d work in another call centre. I remember one of the managers saying I go the toilet too much, so I told I’d just piss on the desk next time, and it just breezed over him like bullets over the Terminator.

I feel this’d make many people begin to associate the sight of their families with the stress of being bollocked for something that isn’t their fault!

Hitler? Hardly know her!

That solves that, then, I suppose?

The Alan Partridge autobiography’s voiced by Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge but I suppose you’d only like it if you’d seen enough Alan Partridge.

I mix peanut butter with oatmilk and appel syrup and I eat it all up like a dog with two dicks.

I think gherkins from cold, dead hands might be considered a delicacy somewhere.

Yeah after writing it I sort of realised I was pointing out the joke, but we’re here now.

Oh wow! How long had you been married to her?

One thing I find funny about the original meme is that the hands are just dirty and manly, like you can’t see any calluses or cuts or whatever, so it’s like a hand shibboleth.

Not many situations where you can use the phrase “I’ve often been born”.

I think I’ve met like four people in my life who wouldn’t get this joke.

What part of “one must imagine Sisyphus happy” isn’t clear? You’ve got to do it!

I saw a beggar the other day who was literally holding his hand out cupped. It was intense.

They forgot to blank out her name though.

I remember smoking outside a pub near Chinatown with a mate something like ten years ago when two Chinese people went by speaking Chinese, and he said “they should be speaking English; this is Britain,” so I asked why, and he couldn’t explain why. Just on a vague principle.

font I liked in a book on calligraphy

They’re called hands, because you do them with your hand. A font is a given instance of a typeface, which is a design of a script. Now you can be pedantic too!

Never thought I’d read that word on this website!

I don’t think this answer is really in the spirit of “no stupid questions”.

That’s almost how I migrated, except I had to give a month’s notice at work and I’d already found an address to register at.